Create Tension Not Pressure


I was working with one of my very first clients years ago on how to conduct a successful discovery session/sales conversation.

This was actually a client who I’d decided to barter services with. Big mistake! But I’ll talk about that in another post.

Now if you’ve been listening to me for any length of time you know that during a discovery session there is always a place where you’re uncovering your potential clients pain points and challenges.

This didn’t feel good to my client.

He said that his potential clients were already in enough pain and that they knew what their challenges were and he shouldn’t have to shine the spot light on those problems any further.

I understand where he was coming from, but here’s the problem with that thinking.

He was only assuming that his potential clients were tuned into their pains and challenges.

There are lots of people with problems.

Hell the only people who don’t have problems are in the grave yard, and we’re not exactly sure if problems really end there. ;-D

There are people who have become so desensitized to their problems, they’ve gotten really comfortable living with them.

And so if you’re in conversation with them and you don’t actually ask them about their pains and problems and what it’s like for them to continue to live with them, there’s not enough tension created for them to actually see why they should pay you to help them. 

People think tension is a bad thing. 

But have you ever been with someone you really liked and felt crazy sexual tension? 

It doesn’t feel bad, in fact it’s exciting because there’s possibly gonna be a point when that sexual tension gets relieved.

Yay! Right? 😉

But have you ever felt pressured to have sex? Yuck.

Nothing sexy or fun about that.

And it’s the same with a discovery session.

During a discovery session the intention is to create tension, not pressure.

Your potential client should be doing most of the talking.

If you’re doing most of the talking you’ll find that you’re coming off pushy and actually creating pressure.

Pressure comes from the outside, tension comes from the inside.

It arises the moment someone sees the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

You as the royal advisor/facilitator actually get the honor of allowing someone to discover what’s inside of them that wants a bigger possibility.

Your job is to help awaken and bring clarity to what’s going on below the surface for your potential client.

Potential clients need to tune in to what they want and what’s getting in their way, and your job is to help them discover that for themselves.

A good conversation creates the kind of tension that allows people to be vulnerable enough to see that their pain is no longer tolerable and to take action on closing that gap.

You are giving them the opportunity to enroll themselves into your program out of their desire to close the gap and end their pain.

That is the point of transformation.

Tension is your friend and it’s their friend too.

There is nothing sleazy about selling your transformation.

That’s what they want.

That’s what they came for. 

Let that tension be there so that they can see the possibility of what it’ll be like when that tension is finally relieved.

Yea, baby yea!