We’d met in college. He was just a cool guy I knew.
He graduated and I didn’t see him much until that faithful day, standing in line at the polls when George W. Bush was running for president (lawd), that it all started.
We were so into each other. I’d never had a man treat me so good. I was completely enamoured.
For his birthday the next year, I had written him a beautiful love note, and even had a romantic song to go with it, that would brilliantly say the words I wanted him to hear.
It was July 2001, when cassette tapes still existed. So I dubbed a copy of a song from another tape I really loved. Side note: I think he and George Bush actually shared the same birthday or there was a one day difference. [Weird]
I drove over to his apartment and left the goods in his mailbox.
I was so in love with him.
Problem was he wasn’t in love with me, and thus this sweet gesture fell on deaf ears.
He thanked me for my gift later that day.
And as I felt the awkwardness of his lack of complete elation over my gift, I asked him if he actually loved me… with which he painstaking took his time to say, “Yes I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
The words crushed me, and I cried all day in my room. I had poured my heart into that word porn dammit!
It was the first time I’d truly had my heart broken, shattered and ripped outta my chest.
Or at least, that’s what it felt like.
I was depressed for months and I couldn’t get him off my mind.
My desire for him wouldn’t go away. He was an awesome guy.
I decided that if we could just remain friends I could break him down. He did love me at least right?
I felt like Steve Urkel pining after Laura.
Time progressed and we were able to stay close friends, I still slept with him in his bed from time to time, but I wasn’t giving up the booty when he wanted, it didn’t feel right.
Eventually SHE happened…
My old roommate.
She and I lived together for years. We started out as college roommates in our dorm and then moved in together again after school was finished. She was there as my son grew up.
AND she was mutual friends with my ex.
We all started hanging out together regularly, and while we were out to dinner one day, I explicitly told them both that they were not allowed to date and if they did I would kill them. (Really said that)…
One day shortly after, he and I were in his laundry room while he washed his clothes, and he says to me, “I’m diggin’ your girl.”
It was the second time he’d crushed my heart.
He crushed it, balled it up, and kicked it across the room this time.
Long story short, they eventually got married and had kids.
Bastards… No… I don’t mean that… do I? Noooooo…
All kidding aside.
I forgave them long ago, and I recognized early on that they were way more compatible than he and I were.
They were both teachers, she was in a sorority and he was working on getting into a frat, and they both had a similar sense of humor… they vibed…
And I knew it the damn day he told me, but it still hurt to hear.
It was hard. It took time to heal. But I made peace. I hold no grudges. What happened was right, even if it felt wrong.
I genuinely blessed them and remember all the good times and crazy experiences I had with each of them.
Turns out you can’t MAKE anyone love you.
And you can’t make anyone BE right for you.
Not with words, not with good deeds, not with material things, and especially not from a place of needing them to love you to feel whole.
So, if you’re writing love notes (marketing) to the people who don’t want what you have, or aren’t really meant for you, but you think you can wear ’em down by staying in their inboxes and in front of them on social media, or following up with them to adnauseum by phone, let me be the first to tell you to stop wasting yo’ damn time.
If you think that you’re here to help any and everybody, stop wasting yo’ damn time.
If you think that one day they’ll be convinced to work with you, stop wasting yo’ damn time.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some perfect clients who just aren’t ready “right now,” but that doesn’t mean they won’t be later, and yes you should continue to (market) send them love notes…
But there is a tribe of amazingly “right for you” Soul Clients out there.
And when I say Soul Clients, I don’t mean that you never have challenging moments with these clients, cause you will (this is a relationship after all), but these are the people who feel like you get them, who light you up, who you can be straight up with, who make you wanna give your best, and who help you grow as you help them.
My old mentor called them VCO’s, Vibrationally Called Ones.
The “right ones,” who never show up for fake ass words, copycat copy or you being inauthentic, needy or desperate.
Remember, there’s always another coach or expert who is perfect for the clients that are wrong for you.
You do get to choose.
I thought I needed a man to show me love, when it was never his job in the first place.
He couldn’t fill that empty hole for me (NO, not that hole – he filled that one, and it wasn’t all that great… oops… I’m not bitter, I promise).
Needing ANYONE else to like, love or approve of you is a futile attempt that only ends in disappointment.
So before you create another program, write another post, push send on another email, talk to another person, just remember how critical it is to know who you are, and who you’re meant to (and want to) be speaking to, it’ll change everything.
Want help with that right now? Get my free audio and action guide to help you figure out… “Who Are Your Soul Clients?” <<< Click here
It’ll help you get clear on WHO you want to work with, WHY you want to work with them, HOW you can help them, and why the heck they should pick you out of all the other coaches or experts out there.
It’ll also save you from painstakingly watching potential clients you think you’re in love with marry other coaches. Womp womp…
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