𝙒𝙚 𝘼𝙇𝙇 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙮 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙚…
And if you’re underearning, losing money, chronically in debt or always faced with financial “emergencies…” shame might be involved.
William, a 50 year old entrepreneur, due to past experiences (and programming), believed that people could not be trusted.
As a result, when interacting with clients, colleagues and employees he secretly feared being cheated, lied to, or otherwise taken advantage of.
He expected to be disappointed, betrayed and victimized, as he previously was.
Unknowingly he kept proving himself “right” over and over with every new client (and often in his other relationships) that people weren’t to be trusted.
He sent out a nonverbal message that continuously attracted people who validated his unexpressed fears and expectations.
His clients would 𝙉𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍 𝙥𝙖𝙮 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 or they would ghost him for days and finally resurface with excuses.
His vendors would be late rendering services to him, which would put his finances in the red because he could not complete his clients projects on time.
His employees would not be paid on time because his vendors were late on services, and they would lash out at him.
The stress got so bad at one point he literally passed out cold, while shopping at a store.
It was a huge wake up call for William.
What was being played out through Williams finances was a case of shame & “self” abuse.
Though he would outwardly blame his results & stress on others, what he didn’t realize was it was his own thoughts, beliefs and emotions that set the groundwork for his sense of victimization and financial chaos.
It 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙗𝙖𝙙, 𝙡𝙖𝙯𝙮, 𝙘𝙧𝙖𝙯𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙮. (Although that’s what he sometimes thought about himself and what others reflected to him from time to time)…
It was old programming coupled with the belief that HE was in some way deficient which led to feelings of shame, inadequacy and unworthiness, and there it was playing out in the story of his life.
As we worked together William had a safe space to admit and accept his suffering as a hidden expression of his hidden thoughts, beliefs and emotions.
We examined his thought patterns, habitual beliefs & emotional responses.
During his 𝙍𝙏𝙏 𝙝𝙮𝙥𝙣𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 we went into his childhood to see where he’d picked up the shame.
His subconscious illuminated 3 critical memories that assisted our work tremendously.
The memories illuminated that his primary default around money wasn’t just shame, it was a combination of shame & guilt.
Things he was ashamed of himself for doing as a child (“bad boy”) and that he felt guilty about as an adult.
We 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙬𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙮.
Then over the next few months we worked specifically on his new financial identity, re-examined his interactions with others from this new point of view, and he made a conscious effort to alter his TBE’s (thoughts, beliefs & emotions), so he could establish a healthier money flow, and clean up his relationships with others.
One of the biggest keys was helping him develop new emotional responses to familiar situations that had been habitually generating shame for him.
He learned how to feel his feelings without shame, and how to change emotional states on demand.
And finally we looked at patterns of undercharging and discounting for his services.
This also made a big difference in his ability to pay his employees and himself and have the surplus he needed regardless of whether others were behind on their commitments.
It took him a few months to make the transformation. He didn’t all of a sudden trust people. He didn’t fully trust himself yet. It was uncomfortable. It was unfamiliar.
Because he had been holding in the shame for so long it had built up, and not only did it express in his finances it still expressed as physical symptoms in his body.
He wasn’t passing out anymore but from time to time he dealt with high blood pressure, digestive disturbances, bouts of depression and every blue moon a bit of rage.
Most people know how to hold things “in,” rather than express them.
And when it’s time for change, resistance always rears it’s head.
It’s the “identify factor” and it’s job is to kick in any time you begin to make major changes in your life.
It kicks in because change is a threat to your concept of who you are and your position in the world.
It kicks in because when you start changing you may pose a threat to your position in your peer group or family of origin.
And so there is a period of disorientation.
People often miss this fact because they’re looking for quick fixes and magic pills.
When you know how to do shame and guilt really well, it’s challenging to “be and do” in ways that are unfamiliar.
Even after clearing old wounds a new set of behaviors must be developed in order to sustain a strong positive image of yourself.
The good news. 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙖 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜. A learned emotional response to life.
You have the ability to transform it if you stick with the process and forgive yourself for falling backwards on occasion.
We all fall back sometimes. 🙋🏽♀️
William stuck with it, with my support and the support of the spiritual practices he was already working with before he came to me.
He knew his power, and now he trusts himself & IT so much more.
He is now reaping the rewards.
Today he attracts celebrity clients, huge $$ contracts, great employees and many referrals and high praise testimonials.
Now everything isn’t all lollipops and roses all the time, as we know.
Now 𝙝𝙚’𝙨 𝙜𝙤𝙩 𝙖 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙛 “𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙨” 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙣𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙡.
He needs a bigger team to handle the things he no longer wishes to give his energy and time to, and he needs his finances managed by a trustworthy pro.
This is the new story he’s entered into and we’ll see what surfaces next.
There’s always something that wants to be expressed when we reach for new levels.
I’m excited for William.
And I’m excited for you.
Healing money shame is one of the biggest acts of generosity you can offer to yourself, your clients, those you love and those that will come after you’re gone.
I’m facilitating a new workshop called “Heal Your Money Shame & End Underearning.”
You can get all the details right here: https://healmoneyshame.eventbrite.com